Happy Imperfections

There will be bad days. Be calm. Loosen your grip, opening each palm slowly.  Now, let go. Be confident. Know that now is only a moment, and that if today is as bad as it gets, understand that by tomorrow, today will have ended. Be gracious. Accept each extended hand offered to pull you back from the somewhere you cannot escape. Be diligent. Scrape the gray sky clean. Realize every dark cloud is a smoke screen meant to blind us from the truth, and the truth is, whether we see them or not - the sun and moon are still there and there is always light.

Be forthright. Despite your instinct to say, “it’s alright, I’m okay” - be honest. Say how you feel without fear or guilt, without remorse or complexity. Be lucid in your explanation, be sterling in your oppose. If you think for one second no one knows what you’ve been going through; be accepting of the fact that you are wrong, that the long drawn and heavy breaths of despair have at times been felt by everyone - that pain is part of the human condition and that alone makes you a legion.

We hungry underdogs, we risers with dawn, we dissmissers of odds – we will station ourselves to the calm. We will hold ourselves to the steady, be ready, player one. Life is going to come at you armed with hard times and tough choices, your voice is your weapon, your thoughts ammunition – there are no free extra lives, be aware that as the instant now passes, it exists now as it did then. So be a mirror reflecting yourself back, and remembering the times when you thought all of this was too hard and that you’d never make it through.

Remember the times you could have pressed quit – but you hit continue. Be forgiving. Living with the burden of anger, is not living. Giving your focus to wrath will leave your entire self absent of what you need. Love and hate are beasts and the one that grows is the one you feed. Be persistent. Be the weed growing through the cracks in the cement, beautiful - because it doesn’t know it’s not supposed to grow there. Be resolute. Declare what you accept as true in a way that envisions the resolve with which you accept it.

If you are having a good day, be considerate. A simple smile could be the first-aid kit that someone has been looking for. If you believe with absolute honesty that you are doing everything you can - do more.

But know that there will be bad days, times when the world weighs on you for so long it leaves you looking for an easy way out. There will be moments when the drought of joy seems unending. Instances spent pretending that everything is all right when it clearly is not, check your blind spot. See that love is still there, be patient. Every nightmare has a beginning, but every bad day has an end. Ignore what others have called you. I am calling you friend. Make us comprehend the urgency of your crisis. Silence left to its own devices, breed’s silence.

So speak and be heard. One word after the next, express yourself and put your life into context – if you find that no one is listening, be loud. Make noise. Stand with poise and be open. Hope in these situations is not enough and you will need someone to lean on. In the unlikely event that you have no one, look again. Everyone is blessed with the ability to listen. The deaf will hear you with their eyes. The blind will see you with their hands. Let your heart fill their newsstands, Let them read all about it. Admit to the bad days, the impossible nights. Listen to the insights of those who have been there, but have come back. They’ll tell you; you can stack misery, you can pack despair you can even wear your sorrow – but come tomorrow you must change your clothes.

Everyone knows pain. We are not meant to carry it forever. We were never meant to hold it closely and let it shape us into who we become, so be certain in the belief that the pain that belongs to now will soon belong to then. And when someone asks you how was your day, realize that for some of us – it’s the only way we know how to say, “Be calm. Loosen your grip, opening each palm slowly. Now, let go.”

(Source: infelice, via 10knotes)

       

We all wanted that high school sweetheart
We wanted to be young in the 50s with meatloaves and sock hops
and lawns, lawns so perfect they looked like Clark Gable was kissing them

We wanted to be thirteen and alive and meet a boy that was thirteen and alive
and walk with him, to sit and hold hands, to sit and kiss, to sit and sit, like it was something you would miss, but it really never was.

We once went to bed as if between the bed sheets there was a valley with dinosaurs still breathing, but even they were broken and taken up with the smoke that rose out of the homes and the corners that we once climbed through,
the streets with the footballs which we once threw,
the school desks upon which we once drew,
the windows that sat open through we once flew,
before the outside world of parking spaces and dead friendships came flooding on in.

We forgot what we wanted
and we became what we become: waitresses and bartenders, underpaid employees with temp positions, we are junkies and one kiss poems and we cry put to the stars
as we write our scars and mistakes onto dumpsters and electric boxes.
Because the only thing that we can hear is our hearts
and the streets are the only ones listening to
that blood that breathes through the letters we leave
and we dream to rise ourselves up out of these burning buildings
but instead we get buried somewhere beneath the fire we started.

Because I know my life is like some high school kids notebook
a high school kid that shuffles back and forth between school and home
stacking the drawings and the letters and the pictures far too close for anyone outside of her own imagination to read
because it’s through the words and stories that her heart beats,
that her heart breathes
and we all just wanted to write these notes:

check if you like me
check if you don’t
check if you’ll date me
check if you won’t

Because we all wanted the love songs to be true,
and we did love dinosaurs once,
and we wanted the stars to hold our hands,
but they ended up screwing us.
So let your smile twist
let your heart dance precariously on the edge of yout fingertips,
staining them red like that same high school kid over thinking her thoughts,
using her permanent marker tip, writing:

“I was here. I was here and none of you can write that in the spot that I just wrote it in. I’m here and we all are here because every breath I give brings me a second closer to the day that my mother may die. Because every breath I take takes me a second further from the moment she caught my father’s eye. Because every word I carry is another stone to put into place in the foundation that I’m building in my heart. Because the days can erase something that I never saw. What all of us wanted and what none of us got, What we all had and have and what we all forgot. That we all wanted to be something. That we all became something, and it might not be the shit we once thought we’d be when we were kids but something is still something and like some cats say, something is better than nothing. Feet are smarter than an engine, and dreams run stronger than thighs, and questions are the only answers that we need to know that we are as alive as I am when I have the mind of a child.  Asking why is 2 + 3 always equal to 5 ? Where do people go to when they die? What made the beauty of the moon? And the beauty of the sea? Did that beauty make you?  Did that beauty make me? Will that make me something? Will I be something? Am I something?”

And then the answer comes to me: already am, always was, and I still have time to be.

Sweet Childhood

It never fails. Whenever someone is made aware that I’m Christian, and am a hardcore believer in Jesus is our Lord and Savior, I get the same question every single time. 


"Well, if there’s a God, and He is so perfect and good, then why would he allow (insert horrible, terrible tragedy here) to happen?"


Allow me to grant you a little extra sleep tonight. You don’t have to lose sleep over this one, my little scientists. We are human beings. Right? Just like Jesus was. He was born without sin (Thanks, Virgin Mary!) and died for us so that we can be saved. If you can remember what the priest, pastor, etc. said in the Easter church service that mom and dad forced you to go to, Jesus suffered a brutal death. And he didn’t even DO anything! (He was born without sin, remember?) That’s how much he loves you guys. Now I know, you’re thinking, “Pshh. You can’t be serious. Someone did not lose their life for us, He didn’t even know us.” Oh He knows you. Now, because he died for OUR sins, that really means that He’s giving us a million chances to mess up, screw up, and totally turn on Him. We kinda suck, don’t we? 


That being said, God puts terrible, horrible things into our lives for a very valid reason. You’ve experienced death, sicknesses, you’ve been in the worst situations in your life. You’ve been through the worst of it all. To hell and back. You know why God put that in your life? #1. So that you turn to Him for his help. You know that if you turn to Him, He WILL help you, right? Sometimes you just have to pray a little bit harder than you’d like. But believe me, if anyone will tell you that He can change a life, it’s me. Personal Experience. #2. He puts all of the garbage that you don’t even want in your life, because He’s preparing you to help someone else out. Let’s say, God forbid, you’ve experienced the death of a loved one. Someone in your path will experience the same thing. And guess who’s there to be there for them. YOU. God puts hurt in our lives to let us help others. I’m pretty sure He has a pretty good plan to the start world peace. Oh, if we’d only listen.


So remember, the next time you’re dealing with crap. Deal with it like a man, for humanity’s sake.
It never fails. Whenever someone is made aware that I’m Christian, and am a hardcore believer in Jesus is our Lord and Savior, I get the same question every single time. 
"Well, if there’s a God, and He is so perfect and good, then why would he allow (insert horrible, terrible tragedy here) to happen?"
Allow me to grant you a little extra sleep tonight. You don’t have to lose sleep over this one, my little scientists. We are human beings. Right? Just like Jesus was. He was born without sin (Thanks, Virgin Mary!) and died for us so that we can be saved. If you can remember what the priest, pastor, etc. said in the Easter church service that mom and dad forced you to go to, Jesus suffered a brutal death. And he didn’t even DO anything! (He was born without sin, remember?) That’s how much he loves you guys. Now I know, you’re thinking, “Pshh. You can’t be serious. Someone did not lose their life for us, He didn’t even know us.” Oh He knows you. Now, because he died for OUR sins, that really means that He’s giving us a million chances to mess up, screw up, and totally turn on Him. We kinda suck, don’t we? 
That being said, God puts terrible, horrible things into our lives for a very valid reason. You’ve experienced death, sicknesses, you’ve been in the worst situations in your life. You’ve been through the worst of it all. To hell and back. You know why God put that in your life? #1. So that you turn to Him for his help. You know that if you turn to Him, He WILL help you, right? Sometimes you just have to pray a little bit harder than you’d like. But believe me, if anyone will tell you that He can change a life, it’s me. Personal Experience. #2. He puts all of the garbage that you don’t even want in your life, because He’s preparing you to help someone else out. Let’s say, God forbid, you’ve experienced the death of a loved one. Someone in your path will experience the same thing. And guess who’s there to be there for them. YOU. God puts hurt in our lives to let us help others. I’m pretty sure He has a pretty good plan to the start world peace. Oh, if we’d only listen.
So remember, the next time you’re dealing with crap. Deal with it like a man, for humanity’s sake.

Bible Promises

  • but i have seen the best of you
  • and the worst of you, and i choose both.
  • i want to share every single one of your sunshines, and save some for later.
  • i will tuck them into my pockets so i can give them back to you when the rains fall hard
  • oh love,
  • i want to be the mirror that reminds you to love yourself.
  • i want to be the air in your lungs to remind you to breathe easy.
  • when the walls come down
  • when the thunder rumbles
  • when nobody else is home
  • hold my hand and i promise you
  • bible
  • i wont let go.
So I would really like a pen pal, someone I can send letters to and get letters from on a regular basis.  I feel like people are writing less and less letters and sending more texts and inbox messages.  So if you like my blog, you need a pen pal too, or you feel like it’s time to take out your pen and some old stationary, then message me. <3

So I would really like a pen pal, someone I can send letters to and get letters from on a regular basis.  I feel like people are writing less and less letters and sending more texts and inbox messages.  So if you like my blog, you need a pen pal too, or you feel like it’s time to take out your pen and some old stationary, then message me. <3

We all live a different life. We all see things differently. We’re all taught to follow a different path by different leaders. It’s finding your way through it all, and what you find along the way, that’s important. It’s how you turn out in the end that matters most, not how people view you, or opinions, or what you “should have” been. Don’t let them break you. Don’t let them destroy all the progress and change you’ve accomplished. Don’t let them stifle your happiness. Stop holding on to past reputations and mistakes and pride yourself on who you are today, right now, in this very moment. Because, like it or not, this is who you are. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again …

To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing it’s best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you’re ever going to fight.

Never stop fighting.

Dream Girl

She’s the most wonderful thing you’ve yet encountered. You think she has a beautiful exterior with her angel-woven hair. Her dark brown eyes reflect her sincerity and depth with every blink. Her radiant smile brightens the darkest corners of every room. And her laugh? It is the most intricate symphony ever played. You think she is the absolute personification of beauty. In fact, beauty doesn’t even begin to reiterate how lovely she is. And the craziest part? Interiorly, you find her to be equally as gorgeous. The words that escape her mouth are intellectually stimulating. She is open and courageous, always adding onto her list of experiences. If you wanted to take a road trip across the country, she wouldn’t question your actions. She’d probably just pack her bags, count what she has, and jump in the car. To you, she is exciting and free-spirited, throwing herself wherever the wind blows. Not only is she unpredictable in her actions, but in the sense where you weren’t sure what she’s truly thinking. And that makes you all the more curious to know her. Because she is addicting. She is beautiful, and she is different, and she is the closest thing you’ve ever come to truly living.

But her heart is exclusive. She has this tendency to keep herself closed. She’ll never let you in no matter how much you prove yourself to be worthy of her trust. You can spill your soul out to her and you won’t even see a flicker of who she truly is. What she dreams of. What her true desires are. What she wants to be. She’s the girl who you always wish you could capture, but she’s too free to obtain. She’d rather live in the moment than make future plans of what’s not guaranteed. She’s lost hope in people. She’s learned to cut herself off from this heartless world, and that’s what made her different. How easily she can let go of herself, her emotions, her worries. How easily she can forget everything she has been through. And that’s how you know, that no matter how much you’d wish she could be yours, she could never be fully yours. This unreal beauty, will only be a vision for what you’d aspire to have, even when you feel like you have all of her. And no matter how many times you whisper secrets with her, hold her hand, or share a faded and sunbathed memory, no matter how many times you try, she will never be anything more but a dream.

Things have a funny way of working themselves out, at least that&#8217;s what my Great Grandmother used to tell me.  I&#8217;m a firm believer that the people that are in your life are there for a reason.  And the people who aren&#8217;t in your life aren&#8217;t in it for a reason.  I feel like that&#8217;s not the most important part of finding out what it is YOU want in your life though.  Whatever I end up doing, I just hope that I can make some sort of difference, somewhere.  Sometimes I feel like I&#8217;m walking on the moon with these ideas in my head, or maybe I&#8217;m just foreshadowing the future.  But at some point, I&#8217;ll have to look at my life until now and decide what it is that truly makes me happy.  Happiness doesn&#8217;t come from any one person or any one amount of money or any one place.  It comes from God.  It&#8217;s a choice made by you.  Are you happy? Do you know what you&#8217;re going to do with your life?

Things have a funny way of working themselves out, at least that’s what my Great Grandmother used to tell me.  I’m a firm believer that the people that are in your life are there for a reason.  And the people who aren’t in your life aren’t in it for a reason.  I feel like that’s not the most important part of finding out what it is YOU want in your life though.  Whatever I end up doing, I just hope that I can make some sort of difference, somewhere.  Sometimes I feel like I’m walking on the moon with these ideas in my head, or maybe I’m just foreshadowing the future.  But at some point, I’ll have to look at my life until now and decide what it is that truly makes me happy.  Happiness doesn’t come from any one person or any one amount of money or any one place.  It comes from God.  It’s a choice made by you.  Are you happy? Do you know what you’re going to do with your life?

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

Open me up and you will see
I’m a gallery of broken hearts
I’m beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

Do something….big.
Live your life to the absolute max. And just when you think you’re at your max, push harder, go further, dream bigger. Because you’re probably no where near reaching where you want to be, I know I’m not. Go and do things that you wouldn’t normally do, and surprise yourself in the meantime. Shock yourself, and others. Be the best person you can. Just be whoever it is that you are. Don’t try to be anything you’re not, don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Just simply live YOUR life. Why try to live someone else’s? Why try to live in a realm that you don’t belong in? Find your niche, and run with it. Be wild, be spontaneous. Love your life and live it proudly. Be happy with what you have, even if it’s a bar of soap and a pair of ratty old hand me down shoes. Because there ARE people that are perfectly content with just that. Expect nothing and live as a minimalist. Maybe a change of pace is just what you need. Go forth and live the life you have always wanted to live.
Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at will change.

The Flamingos Are Always Pinker on The Other Side

I’m gonna be a heck of a lot stronger than the person who slides on through life, living in a land of butterflies and rainbows.  Please.  Give me disaster any day…  I’ve learned how to push through it and make it something beautiful.

I’d rather live rough, and learn my lessons the hard way.  I’d rather get hit hard once, and have to learn how to deal with it and get through it, than to keep making the same mistakes twice.  I’d rather live through life’s dirty truth, than live in a lie.  I’d rather be knocked around by life’s boxing gloves, walking around humbly, than walking around with my chin so high up, that I’m totally oblivious that there are other human beings on this planet.  So teach me a lesson.  Let me live the hard way.  In the end, I’ll figure it all out.I like to think that the grass is always greener on the other side.

Except on my pleasant, grassy side, there’s pink flamingos all over the lawn.